Again have felt quite down this week. My back is starting to ache and feel very tight. I think this stems from when my legs were very weak & I bent my back instead of my legs. Weather is changing now, more rain. I miss my friends but am beginning to go off the idea of returning to a stressful job. I feel so close to feeling normal & yet so far!

Does anyone know what I mean? Feel quite emotionally and mentally tired.

Decided to wander around Newcastle Emlyn with mum on Saturday. I found it too much, walking around, trying to move out of other people’s way especially with one eye covered and my hood up as it was raining. Had a wobbly (which is so unlike me!) Just felt a real sense of anger inside. Wanted to lash out & kick the hell out the bin which was unfortunate enough to be near me. Bit too public though so couldn’t, just had a cry instead. Mum treated us both to lunch out which helped a bit. Took dog for walk on Poppit sands later on- that helped!

Both Frieda and Lisa (friends) phoned me. It was great to talk to them. Have been keeping in touch with my brother via e-mail as he works on Princess cruise ships. Wrote a couple of letters to friends this week.

Have noticed that my left ear seems very sensitive to certain sounds - especially clashing croquery. It almost seems to be magnifying the sounds. My eye is getting very watery but doesn’t seem dry (obviously if its watery it’s wet - duh! I know what I mean!).

Started driving mum’s car this week. First time was down a little lane and it felt like I’d been set free! Feels very weird to be driving after so long. Can’t move head really quickly at junctions. Quick movements can aggravate the vertigo. Can feel face strain a bit on right side though with the concentration. Definitely need to improve concentration.

Last acupuncture session as my physio is going away on holiday for a while. Had a really good chat. She was so positive about my face. I really have appreciated her advice and positiveness throughout. She asked about returning to school and again gently suggested staying off until Sept. Needles in feet & hands to knock me out again. Have made an appointment for 1st July when she is back - just in case I’m still around. I hope I am still here in a way. I can show her how much my face will have improved (I hope it will have anyway). Can hang onto the face toner while she is away, even if I do go home. Cool!

Half of me would love to stay here but will I go crazy with boredom? But if I was 100% I know I would not be bored. So is it my limitations preventing me from doing what I want rather than boredom. Decided to work on different muscles with the toner, so that’s back to just 10mins to begin with. Have been focussing on cheek & eyebrow but latter has made no signs of movement. Maybe a break will help?

Am starting to get up earlier now, about 7am ish hoping I will get to sleep earlier at night. Walked Tilly down lane to wildlife centre and on to the estuary where we sat for a while. What a lovely start to the day! Saw Canada geese on river and squirrels along the road. It was so peaceful. Drove into Haverfordwest today, which felt great. Although I suffered later! It was a return to normality, although I had to concentrate very hard. Felt a slight strain on my face after a while. Was a bit eggy in town - decisions do my head in, as do jay-walkers!

Finally got computer printer to work and printed up some info on RHS, which I found on the internet. Read some of the diaries too. It was so reassuring to know others had felt and experienced similar symptoms to me. It gave me the idea of starting my own diary. I’m not really a diary writer but as I am still very up and down I decided that a little project might help me.

Felt mentally tired after the drive yesterday. Started working on diary this morning. It has already given me a focus.

Am desperate to see some friends so asked Julie to visit even though she has only just returned home from a holiday in America. She is coming on Sunday with her 2 year old daughter Lily. That will be interesting seeing how I cope with a littl’un. She’s very good though. I’m sure it will be great.

Mouth has moved outwards about 1cm from outside of front incisor.

Still feeling a bit low.