I woke one morning in February , and after brushing my teeth, I rinsed and spit but my mouth felt like I got a shot of novacane. I went to work, and in the course of the day the left side of my face started to droop, and by the end of the day I did not look like myself at all. I could not talk right, close my eye, smile, smoke, eat, nothing. I freaked out when I looked at it and I saw a monster looking back at me.

I got home not knowing what was going on, went to the emergency room, I had no health insurance. They took me and looked at me, and asked me to crinkle my head, well that was impossible. The Dr told me I had Bells Palsy, and he then told me to return to the RI clinic in 2 weeks. He gave me pretnazone, and I went home. I could not wear my contact lens in the left eye, so I didn't see very well.

I had to work, and I felt so imbarrased because I could not talk and I hated how I looked, so I kept my head down, and I became totally withdrawn. I lived in my own ugly little world. When home I stayed alone in my room, crying!

I returned to the Clinic to see the Dr. and he asked me how I felt, I told him I was very depressed and I was feeling sucidal. He told me to get used to my face, it may never get any better. I got very upset and told him he should have just given me a gun and a bullet to shoot myself, and I walked out, telling him he was a terrible Dr.

Not knowing what to do, I did nothing at all, and after a few months I finally got better.

In March the following year, the right side fell, not as bad, but bad enough. I was again depressed and withdrawn, this time I went to PT and she gave me electric shock treatments, they didnt help.

I noticed the left side became funny, when I ate my eye would move, when I talked my face went to one side etc. I can not begin to tell you what this did to me mentally. It healed after many months again, and not 100% again, so I now looked so not like me. I lost like 3 years of my life from this! I felt I would never be "normal" again!

Third time happened in December of 2001, I had car problems and no money, stress. I also waited for a ride in Cold drizzle, well, I had a weird feeling on my tongue, and lips, sure enough that Monday I had a dropping face all over again. Back to my inner world and room I retreated.

I had at this point been told by Dr's they had no explaination as to why this was happening, but this time I went web surfing and found lots of information, and one thing I found was Lyme could cause BP. I was going to a Neuroligist and explained about Lyme and he told me no, it is not Lyme, I then told him of other things I was feeling, like pains here and there, and weight gain etc, and he told me nope, you have arturitis and fibromyaliga. Well, needless to say I had heard all I was going to hear from about 8 Dr's. They gave me tests, X-Rays, and meds, and refered me to other Dr's, but none would listen to me.

I then went on line and dug deeper, got names of Lyme treating Dr's in CT and one in RI. I also found a list of Lyme Symptoms, and I had more than half of them.

• Pains in joints
• forgetting things I did daily
• BP
• muscle spasms for no reason
• extreme fatigue
• always tired, but never sleeping
• bloating
• weight gain, suddenly(went from 105 to 140)
• gas
• stomache problems
• itching
• splitting skin
• mood changes
• depressions
• panic attacks
• not able to do housework or carry in shopping
• shortness of breath
• terrible nightmares
• night sweats
• constant coldness
• crackling neck
• weakness in arms and legs

I decided I would not take one more pill, or test for any other reason except Lyme. I made an appointment and we talked for well over an hour, he asked me lots of questions and most of all he listened to me. I walked out with a prescription for Doxy. I can't tell you how happy I was to finally know what was going on with me, and I was finally getting treated for what I actually had. I also felt great knowing why my face kept falling on me, also feeling just "maybe" it will not happen again!

The only thing that saved me was "me" surfing the web, reading everything I found about Bells, and Lyme, and then looking into Dr's who knew about Lyme. I knew my body and my mind told me there were answers and I had to find them, fast. I saw pictures of people who went untreated for years, and their joints were deformed, that made me realize, no Dr was going to misdiagnose me and have me taking tests and wrong medications without me trying.

I could go on for days trying to explain how depressed and withdrawn I became, I once smiled and took the positive approach with everything in life, I suddenly became the total opposite of that, and I so miss "me", the me I was. I was the woman who raised 2 daughters with Tourettes Syndrome, and did a great job helping them deal with the tics, and we made out great! I was always very happy and full of smiles and talked to everyone! Patient, kind, uderstanding and looked for the good in everything and everyone. Here I was now, totaly opposite for no apparent reason!

I went on ABX in October of 2002, and I have done very well, so my Dr thinks I will fully recover. I will be getting off the meds soon, I wanted to stay on a little longer, mainly because I am now using essential oils on my head and neck area to make sure the "keets" are out of there. I so do not want to get BP ever again!

I have missed 5 quality years of my life because of it. I am divorced, and I have refused many dates because I have no self esteem left, I don't feel good enough to date anyone, so I just say No thank you. I now have noticed I am feeling much better, I am applying for better positions, at work, wanting to go out again, and I am ready to date again one of these days. My outlook on life is becoming positive again, and yes, I smile and I have come out of my lonely shell finally! I am not 100%, but I am getting there mentally, and I believe this is half the battle at this point.

I am very lucky in many ways, I found a good Dr right away, and I realize I did not have it as bad pain wise as some, however the mental part of it was a total nightmare for me. Let me also mention that with all that has happened I have not missed a day of work from any of it, luckily! Keep fighting for your health, and listen to your body and mind, and READ all you can get your hands on!

Thank you for listening to my story, I hope this helps some of you!

Blessed Be to All!